How To Manage and Process Your Emotions In A Healthy Way: Holly McClain - Adolescent Counselor and Certified Life Coach

Transcript

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this is the beyond the story podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story.

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And now sebastian ross.

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Welcome to the show.

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Thank you for having me, Sebastian.

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Thanks for being here and thanks for taking some time out of your day to hang out with me.

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I know that we've been talking offline regarding the world of podcasting.

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In fact, that's how the whole thing kind of came together today, of you wondering what this whole podcast world is all about.

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So, once again, the podcasting world delivers on relationships and being able to continue to build those through the world of podcasting, whatever that may mean.

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So, so glad that you're here and get a chance to chit chat for a few minutes here about your story and what's really brought you to present day.

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You and I first connected a couple of years ago through a mutual contact of ours.

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I actually did a talk for an association you guys were working with at the time and we stayed in touch.

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And then you reached out about a month ago and podcast questions very common.

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Welcome to my life.

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And here we are.

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So I just love how all the you know connecting all the dots to finally arrive at a podcast conversation, which I think this is newer for you, right?

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I told me I haven't done a lot of podcasts.

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Yeah, this is definitely newer for me and I feel this bug to kind of get the word out and speak out and share and yeah, so I feel like this is such a great medium for that.

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It totally is.

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It really does.

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There's so many other things Like.

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One of the main talks I give is how starting a podcast can radically change your life and your business and I say that in confidence, because I've lived that.

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But it also it literally does.

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You step into a completely different version of yourself because you started a podcast.

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Your business is impacted because you become a better communicator.

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You're building relationships, you have more opportunities to explore and unpack because of the podcast.

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So the list goes on and on and on.

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Yeah, I could see a lot of growth coming from this Just putting yourself outside of your comfort zone for starter right and sharing your voice and tapping into your voice, because I feel like we have so many different opportunities to share now with social media et cetera At least my generation we didn't have any of that when I was growing up.

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Thank God.

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Yeah, yeah, true, true.

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You know everything is being video recorded and it can be a little, a little much.

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Well, not more than that.

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It's just the kids don't know what life's like without devices.

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I have a buddy, I have a buddy of mine who has eight kids I don't know if I told you the story.

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Not eight kids, devices and wi-fi are not allowed in his house oh, how does that work?

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go outside and play and get dirty, go find a code, you know, do something.

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You know, do something.

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But we're not going to, I'm not going to contribute to this generation of digitally addicted, I'm just not going to do it.

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And I'm like, wow, I think his oldest may have a smartphone and it only works on like wifi type deal, or maybe it's just an actual phone.

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But I thought that that was remarkable, cause I mean, first of all, having eight kids holy cow, I want to give myself a vasectomy just thinking about it.

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Um, but I thought that was, yeah, I thought good for you, you know, for you, had I, had I done it all over again.

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I don't know that my daughter was kind of.

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She was born in 2001, so it's kind of the.

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She was born into it more, not more, I mean, but it was evolving.

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But yeah, it's a little crazy these days, I'd say so I like telling people's story here.

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So let's back up, let's give some context to our listeners here and kind of go back to the beginning of your story, wherever that starting point is for you, and unpack that for a second and what really brought you to present day with what you're actually doing.

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Here I can talk, I promise.

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Right, no, I mean gosh.

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I can go way, way back and, as you know, hindsight is always 2020.

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So when I look back now and I have this practice and I work exclusively with teenagers I can track back.

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You know, what was that little spark that ignited decades ago?

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And I would say it started when I was a junior in high school and my very best friend was moving, moving to Southern California.

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I'm in Northern California and we went and dropped into her counselor's office.

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Now, back in the early nineties, if you were in your counselor's office, you were there because you were in big time trouble.

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Oh, I'm very familiar with that place, yeah.

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Me oh okay, you were in big time trouble then or something major was going on.

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But we had to go in and see your counselor because she was moving and all the things.

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And I remember her counselor looking at me.

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I just went in as a little support friend and he said well, how are you doing, how are you handling all of this?

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Because your best friend is moving in the middle of the semester and you're going to be essentially off on your own.

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Do you have other friends lined up that you spend time with at school?

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What are you doing for lunch?

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And it just, it just dawned on me because I always thought this isn't really about me, it's about her moving.

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And it really turned it back on me and I just really felt seen and recognized and supported.

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And so I think that was the first little spark that it hit for me.

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Um, just how important that was to have somebody in my life outside of my parents or my young teen friends, that that was supporting me and kind of holding me in that particular situation, and I think that planted a little seed along the way.

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And so I went off and went to college.

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I ended up going to law school and I share this with my clients often.

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I had a year of law school and realized, uh, I'm I, I don't belong here, this is not my thing.

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I powered through.

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I powered through until, ultimately, at the end of the first year, they sent me a letter and said your grades are not up to par, we're not inviting you back next year.

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I was devastated, right, and that was really the first time that I feel like the universe spun me around and said yeah, we're not going in this direction, you're meant to go in another direction.

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Of course, I didn't know what direction that would be, so I thought, oh my gosh, you know what in the world?

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And then I had gotten into tech.

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This was back in early 2000s the dotcom bubble, if anybody remembers that.

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Yeah, I definitely did, If anybody remembers that then I'm like gosh, when the world do I want to do?

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And I got this little ping, this little feeling inside of me when I heard of a friend who was going to get her teaching credential and she was going to work with elementary kids and I thought that's how I want to spend my day, like I just want to be around these young people and spend my time with them and support them and teach them, and I really didn't have a lot of the pieces put together.

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So that's what kind of launched me into education 23 years ago.

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I taught when I was on campus.

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This was middle school, high school.

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When I was on campus, I saw what the counselors were doing, very different from when I was in high school.

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It wasn't if you're in super big trouble, it was I need to talk about something.

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I'm upset.

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Some of the kids were friends with their counselor and I thought that's exactly what I want to be doing.

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I want to be in that room doing that.

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You know who cares about Shakespeare?

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There's so many things going on in my students' lives and I was teaching at a continuation high school at the time.

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So those were kids that were either struggling at the regular comprehensive school or were in big time trouble and they were kicked out of their regular high school and so they gathered in this location and we had worked together there.

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So I went back to school, I got my master's in counseling and I got my specialized credentials so that I could do counseling in the school system and I'm like this is where I'm meant to be Now.

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There is like an entrepreneurial component to my makeup.

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So once I learned about life coaching and actually went to a life coach, I thought I need to know how to do this so I can bring this to teenagers, because back in 20, it was about 16, 17,.

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Can bring this to teenagers, because back in 20, it was about 16, 17,.

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Life coaching was for executives, so there was executive coaching or adults.

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And I thought, if I knew some of this stuff when I was a teenager, if I had someone to talk to, like my best friend's counselor in high school, mr McEntee then like this is incredible stuff.

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But I struggled with it because I thought, well, teenagers are either going to utilize their school counselor or they're going to go into therapy.

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Is there a spot in the middle?

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So I grappled with that for a while.

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I got life coach certified and then finally, was about four years ago that I launched the practice and um, yeah, and it just has kind of gone from there and the kids that I work with the results that they get, cause they come for different reasons right.

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So maybe they're struggling with anxiety or they're dealing with stress and overwhelm we know, as you were sharing with social media and all of the things in this wild world that we live in.

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They've created lives for themselves via the coaching, where they're more comfortable in their own skin.

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They have found their way in terms of direction.

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They've worked through anxieties, handling all of the emotions big emotions, as we call them like how do I process an emotion when I'm feeling a certain way?

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What do I do with that?

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So it's been incredible and I feel like it's a hidden gem.

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I'm still working on that, holly, yeah.

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We all are.

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I don't know how I want to react to how I feel right now.

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Yeah, yeah, I think I'm still unpacking that.

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So a I'll never forget.

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I remember it vividly.

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I remember her office.

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I remember to a T and I wasn't the easiest I was.

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You know, parents got divorced young, when I was young, and I had to process all that at like eight, nine years old and dad got remarried.

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It was a lot unpacked there, um, adamant about me seeing the school counselor, and back then that's when it was it was actually effective and her name was Mrs Gambrell.

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I'll never forget that fact.

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She just died like a year ago and she was like a hundred, uh, or at least it felt that way anyway and she was the teddy bear lady and she would have teddy bears in her office and they were like the real nice, fancy ones and that had like wood feet and not the ones that give you nightmares.

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Those are different.

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And, um, she went to my church too.

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I remember as a kid I would not I got like a church.

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We were another, like a baptist church we were associated with and, uh, she was the nicest, sweetest lady on the absolute planet.

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That's what it was.

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Yes, she did die like a year or two ago, and I remember my school principal posting about it that I'm now friends with on Facebook all these years later anyway.

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But she was the nicest lady.

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I don't know what the hell we talked about and I'm sure she was there to ask me to talk about how I felt and all that stuff.

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And I wasn't at that point very good at expressing anything I was, but in my own unique way.

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And the second component of that was my middle school guidance counselor, mr Shaw, lovely guy here in Miami.

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And I remember leaving that middle school and I was going to a different high school than everyone else was going to because we were just moving a few blocks away, but that was a big difference.

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And he said I want to introduce you to one of my best friends who's going to be at that high school and she's the assistant principal, kathleen Garrity Still remember her to this day and him making that introduction to her really made my adjustment into high school just in general that much easier.

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But also when you needed like something done from an administrative standpoint, whether I was in trouble or I was late or whatever it was, having that relationship was so, so beneficial.

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I remember she played tennis and that was our common denominator, because I played tennis too, I think they actually.

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But so from middle, from elementary school to middle school, to my assistant principal, who wasn't a counselor but she was friends with my counselor in middle school lifetime impact, lifetime impact.

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So I totally understand what you're saying about that.

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Oh yeah, and we never know when those seeds are planted.

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You know, especially as a grownup, when we're dealing with a young person, we're I mean we're we're planting seeds all the time, whether it's our behavior or the things that we say or share, and then that sprouts later on and it's huge.

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Yeah, it really, it really is.

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Choose carefully, ladies and gentlemen, choose carefully.

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Exactly.

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So how long have you been doing this now with your own practice and working with teenagers, and just and just, I mean talk about just doing the Lord's work.

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I mean teenagers.

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Wow, I mean I raised one.

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No, thank you, yeah.

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Well, it is a little different, I think, if you're raising one than if you're supporting one in a professional situation.

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This is true, this is true.

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I love my teens.

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I mean I had worked with teens for so long and just their energy, their resilience I mean I don't know if you are seeing this at home, but just their openness to new ideas.

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I'm not telling them how to live their best life or fixing anything that's broken.

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I'm guiding them to tune into what's going on inside and really getting connected with themselves and who they are and what they want and what works and what doesn't.

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It's not that we don't have hard conversations, you know, if we have someone with something that's going on in particular and they're maybe not being their best self, I mean we look at all of that stuff under a microscope.

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But it's more of a way finding, I guess you could say, with them, and they tend to love that because ultimately, what it boils down to is they just want to be heard and validated.

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Yeah, yeah, I love that.

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So you're like a hybrid of a guidance, like the most amazing guidance counselor and a coach at the same time I am a hybrid.

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I can't unwind that counseling piece.

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However, I'm not a therapist with that clinical portion of diagnosis and and fixing that's all bullshit, anyway, I think there is a, there is a place for all of the things.

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So if they fall within that realm of life coaching, then yeah, it can be an incredibly powerful process for them to essentially get to know yourself.

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I feel like I'm still getting to know myself, but when I look back when I was younger and you having your connection with your counselor and your VP, I mean it really helped you tap into not only your communication skills but getting to know yourself and identifying with adults, and there's just a lot of goodness that comes out of that.

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I think that it was.

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It was more of um, like someone seeing me for who I was when I didn't see that and really helping me say, like I don't think you understand, like the talent and the power that you possess, like I didn't see any of that.

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All I saw was just everyone tells me I'm hyper and you know, my parents got divorced and I hate them and I, you know, it's like this whole like conglomerate of like emotions and figuring it out.

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But like in retrospect now, of course, in hindsight, looking back, it was like those early days were people validating me and who I was when I, when I couldn't see it, like believing in me when I didn't believe in myself, nor did I have the tools or resources to be able to do that at that age.

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So I think that's and that's huge.

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You're exactly right and I I was very adamant about doing that with my daughter because I raised her by myself.

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So I I need for number one, I wanted to introduce to my daughter and I had a good friend of mine that I met Still friends, some friends.

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I have a doctorate in a few years, but her name is Mina Shaw and she worked for Tony Robbins for like eight or nine years and left Tony to go start her own business and help women, and I'll never forget it.

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She, she texted me one day and said I'm moving to Fort Lauderdale.

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And I said what?

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And she was in San Diego.

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And she said, yeah, I'm actually leaving Tony.

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And I'm like I'm sorry, you're doing what.

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And she's like, can we have lunch?

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I'll be there next week.

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I kind of want to give you a rundown on what my vision is and I tell you that lunch conversation is exactly the blueprint of what she took out into the world and created helping and empowering women.

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And it was her birthday, or it was my daughter's 14th birthday, I think, maybe 13th birthday, maybe 14th and she called and she said um, hey, I wanted to wish Kayla happy birthday and I also wanted to give her a birthday gift.

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Um, I want her to come to one of my meeting meetings.

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We meet one the first of the month, first Wednesday of the month.

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Um, from like five until whenever, usually around nine or 10 PM.

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And I said, yeah, sure, I'll ask her if she's down for sure.

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And my daughter went and she came home and she goes, okay.

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First of all, mina looks like a Disney princess and I'm like she's like, second of all, when can I go back?

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So I called Mina the next day and I said I don't know what the fuck you guys did in that meeting.

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She will not shut up about it and I know these meeting meetings are like fight club.

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You don't talk about them.

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I understand that and it is a safe space.

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I get all that and I'm not telling you what to do with your business or your meetings.

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But here's what I want you to consider Could you imagine having a meeting in your life at 14 years old?

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Could you imagine having a Mina in your life at 14 years old?

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And you may want to consider allowing young adolescent teenage girls into the program.

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And she said I need 24 hours to download all this.

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This was a lot, but I love it.

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Justena Teens program that my daughter piloted and she went through the program.

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It's a year-long program.

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It's all graduation and the graduation's recruitment for the next class that'll come in, and this continued to just build into a completely big movement.

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Well, my daughter goes through the whole program for a year.

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She called me, she goes, yeah, she's in, but you're going to pay and I'm like I get.

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I understand there's a cost involved with the process, even though it was my brilliant idea.

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But she's like there's an exchange there that needs to happen and trust me on this.

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So it was like a couple hundred bucks a month that we paid at the time.

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It was a stretch still, but I was like this needs to happen.

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So she goes through the whole program and we go to graduation my sister's there and my mom's there and at the end of the graduation there's a raffle and the raffle is for a free year of MENA meetings.

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Who wins the raffle?

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My daughter wait for it.

00:19:47.057 --> 00:19:48.801
So she goes to the program.

00:19:48.801 --> 00:19:49.924
A second year.

00:19:50.586 --> 00:19:56.704
We go to graduation again and I had been telling my sister a like you should check this out.

00:19:56.704 --> 00:20:02.261
She's like listen, love, mina, love what's done for the kid, love it, not really my speed.

00:20:02.261 --> 00:20:03.484
Yada, yada, yada.

00:20:03.484 --> 00:20:04.907
I'm like it's bullshit, you need to go.

00:20:04.907 --> 00:20:08.179
She's like I'm good, it's a little sibling rivalry back and forth.

00:20:08.179 --> 00:20:11.603
So we go for the second time, second graduation, another raffle.

00:20:11.603 --> 00:20:12.042
Who wins?

00:20:12.042 --> 00:20:12.944
My sister?

00:20:12.944 --> 00:20:18.431
And my sister said yeah, out of like 200 people in the room.

00:20:18.431 --> 00:20:21.144
So I said, um, she goes.

00:20:21.144 --> 00:20:21.846
You know, I'm gonna talk.

00:20:21.846 --> 00:20:24.875
I'm gonna talk to me and see what I can you know figure out.

00:20:24.955 --> 00:20:27.199
And she was in a job transition this saturday.

00:20:27.199 --> 00:20:36.852
I remember her calling and I said good luck, bringing your bullshit excuses to mina, because mina is an excuse like eater, like.

00:20:36.852 --> 00:20:38.153
She just like and I'm good.

00:20:38.153 --> 00:20:49.623
I'm real good, yeah, and she's real, real good because every time I went with my nonsense wall, every time just brick wall and a just and only like she could.

00:20:49.623 --> 00:20:53.922
So she calls her and she's like hey, listen, I'm so glad that I won and it's been great.

00:20:53.922 --> 00:21:00.464
And she's like uh-huh, and she's like I'm in the middle of a job transition right now, like I have a lot going on.

00:21:00.486 --> 00:21:09.430
I have MS and she said Tama, I think now is the best time ever to get in the mix with all this.

00:21:09.430 --> 00:21:16.404
And sure enough, it was a stretch for her because while she's not in remission from MS, still has it very.

00:21:16.404 --> 00:21:24.558
It's because the scars on her brain, the biggest downside is fatigue, and so when she's done working for the day, it's like, hey, I'm going to eat and go to bed, like that's the end of it.

00:21:24.558 --> 00:21:26.382
I need to rejuvenate so I can go do this all over again.

00:21:26.382 --> 00:21:31.049
And she ended up plowing through and going and completing that entire year.

00:21:31.150 --> 00:21:36.036
So, again, that was a long-winded story and I didn't mean to flip it on, make it all about me and my story on here.

00:21:36.036 --> 00:21:50.305
But when we're talking about impactful people here and I did that, in fact she called me to call my daughter when she was in her second year of college and said I'm piloting a new program for girls transitioning from high school to college.

00:21:50.305 --> 00:21:51.627
Can you pilot the program?

00:21:51.627 --> 00:21:55.019
So, like it continued, the ripple effect continued on and on.

00:21:55.019 --> 00:22:02.482
So, anyway, way long story short, the people that we have the opportunity to pour into and they get to pour into us.

00:22:02.482 --> 00:22:04.047
You're right, lifetime impact.

00:22:05.174 --> 00:22:07.800
Oh my gosh, absolutely I love that story.

00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:17.385
You think about what thoughts would she have had or how would your daughter have handled situations had she not had that experience.

00:22:17.506 --> 00:22:24.217
And then went on to be a psych major and now majoring in mental health counseling, deeply passionate about helping people like unfuck themselves.

00:22:24.217 --> 00:22:31.181
And I remember Mina calling me and saying Sebastian, you know what I'm in, I'm in with this Kayla.

00:22:31.181 --> 00:22:32.303
Kayla can come attend.

00:22:32.303 --> 00:22:59.134
Before she ended up opening up to everybody, and there later on was like another girl would join, another teenager would join, but at first it was just Kayla in a room of 35 grown women and uh, mina would call me and be like so I can't tell you what it's talked about in the room, but like your kid stands up and says the most remarkable shit and the entire room is either crying, slash, mic drop, like dude, this kid has something.

00:22:59.134 --> 00:23:00.258
And I'm like what did you say?

00:23:00.258 --> 00:23:01.961
And she's like not allowed to talk about it.

00:23:01.961 --> 00:23:04.155
Um, so it was just crazy.

00:23:04.155 --> 00:23:04.856
How that all?

00:23:04.856 --> 00:23:07.420
But I remember her calling me and saying you know what she's in, I'm going to let her in.

00:23:07.420 --> 00:23:08.221
Great idea.

00:23:08.221 --> 00:23:09.682
And she goes.

00:23:09.682 --> 00:23:11.345
And here's the reason I arrived there.

00:23:11.384 --> 00:23:15.308
Sebastian, if I had Amina at 14 years old, how?

00:23:15.308 --> 00:23:17.717
What would the director of my life had been?

00:23:17.717 --> 00:23:35.285
She was born and raised in Iran and a terrible upbringing horrible and just crazy, like nuts and like came to California Like, should I only imagine having Amina in my life or a room that provides that it would have completely changed the trajectory of exactly what I was doing.

00:23:35.285 --> 00:23:38.931
So, yeah, wild, really really wild, I'm going to send her this episode.

00:23:38.951 --> 00:23:45.555
I haven't talked to her in a couple of years that she lives in Austin now, but I'm going to send her this episode because I'm sure I'm going to make her cry.

00:23:46.536 --> 00:24:18.904
Of course, no, I love that story Having the opportunity to be something for someone that we could have used ourselves, and it sounds like she used that fuel, a point where she was almost going to become the face the female face of the Tony Robbins brand like 85% closing rate, like machine and walk away from it.

00:24:18.934 --> 00:24:28.040
Like had to go in Tony's office with her resignation letter and tears rolling down her cheeks, saying if and I said how did you arrive there to make that decision?

00:24:28.040 --> 00:24:29.265
She said had I continued?

00:24:29.265 --> 00:24:30.656
I had a.

00:24:30.656 --> 00:24:31.739
I was at a crossroads.

00:24:31.739 --> 00:24:37.528
Do I continue to build Tony's dream or do I get out there and execute on mine?

00:24:40.378 --> 00:24:41.501
Right, yeah, that's a big one.

00:24:42.545 --> 00:24:42.826
Nuts.

00:24:42.826 --> 00:24:51.221
She went on to coach me and get me in Tony's room and get me to a Tony event and, like, did a lot, had a lot of impact in what I was doing.

00:24:51.221 --> 00:24:57.479
So that ripple effect continued to and I met her at a networking event in North, like Fort Lauderdale area.

00:24:57.479 --> 00:25:02.039
I don't even live in Fort Lauderdale, so about a good hour from me at a random networking event.

00:25:02.039 --> 00:25:03.125
And that's what Tony does, is they?

00:25:03.125 --> 00:25:10.163
He sends reps to the area three months in advance when they're about to do a UPW and Lisa power Within to go sell out the event.

00:25:10.163 --> 00:25:18.962
Part of that is going to businesses and networking events and chamber events and things evangelizing what the Tony Robbins Company does and then offering opportunity to attend one of the events.

00:25:19.095 --> 00:25:22.317
Well, her and her brother were at this event and how.

00:25:22.317 --> 00:25:44.659
I was in Coral Springs, florida, an hour and change away from my house on a random Wednesday night, but she stood up and the first words out of her mouth I was like this girl is a badass and we ended up staying in touch and we didn't talk that much, but I remember her sending me a text and be like I'm moving to Fort Lauderdale and I'm like you're doing what she's like and I'm leaving, tony, and I'm like I'm sorry you're doing what so wild?

00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:46.200
That's cute.

00:25:46.200 --> 00:25:51.304
We never know those connections that we make and those seeds that we plant, how they're going to come to fruition.

00:25:51.304 --> 00:25:52.305
That's mind-boggling.

00:25:52.305 --> 00:25:53.026
We just don't.

00:25:53.486 --> 00:25:58.630
So we're in the middle of 2024 at the time we're recording this episode, which is wild to even say.

00:25:58.630 --> 00:26:01.632
What are you excited about besides starting a podcast?

00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:11.494
What are you excited about for the rest of the year with what you have going on with your business?

00:26:11.494 --> 00:26:14.457
Finding some balance, to be honest with you.

00:26:14.457 --> 00:26:20.067
Finding some balance, especially in the economy that we're dealing with right now and having multiple offerings for families.

00:26:20.067 --> 00:26:26.326
Right now I'm doing just one-on-one coaching, so offering a group.

00:26:26.326 --> 00:26:42.249
I have that coming up in the fall and, like I said, finding that balance of how can I support and serve families and then also keep my own balance because I have to walk my walk and talk my talk, right yeah, so keeping all of that in flow.

00:26:42.509 --> 00:26:46.361
Oh, a group setting of what I'm speaking of, everything I just got done, sharing with what Mina created.

00:26:46.361 --> 00:26:47.665
Hey, that's some food for thought.

00:26:47.665 --> 00:27:06.564
I mean getting a group of, of, when I say like-minded teenagers, um, people that are open and willing to coach, to be are coachable teenagers, that are coachable right, and being able to open that up in some sort of group format and see what can be created from the peer you know from, from from your, from your clients.

00:27:06.604 --> 00:27:10.342
That'd be wild teaching them the foundational components.

00:27:10.663 --> 00:27:10.843
Yes.

00:27:10.954 --> 00:27:12.839
So one-on-one is more or less.

00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:29.119
We're working specifically on what's going on with that particular teenager, but teaching them some of the principles how to tune in, how to quiet the outside noise, how do we process an emotion, how do we change our mindset when things are not going our way or we're struggling with motivation.

00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:30.983
So that is in the works.

00:27:31.365 --> 00:27:31.786
Love that.

00:27:31.786 --> 00:27:32.647
I absolutely love that.

00:27:32.647 --> 00:27:34.621
So how do you, how do you process an emotion?

00:27:34.621 --> 00:27:35.343
That's a great question.

00:27:35.363 --> 00:27:49.243
I don't think I've ever so, first things first, the protocol to process an emotion is we want to feel what we're feeling, and I share with my teenagers and my adults.

00:27:49.243 --> 00:28:00.268
We have to remember it's just energy moving about in our bodies, because it can be really scary to feel the anger, the upset, the disappointment, the sadness.

00:28:00.268 --> 00:28:08.866
So first we need to just allow ourselves to feel it for a moment and then we need to take the message from that emotion.

00:28:08.866 --> 00:28:10.991
What is that emotion telling us?

00:28:10.991 --> 00:28:12.560
And there are a couple of different ways to do that.

00:28:12.560 --> 00:28:14.570
We can sketch that out If we're creative.

00:28:14.570 --> 00:28:20.411
We can simply talk it through with someone or write in our journal If we're on our own.

00:28:20.411 --> 00:28:21.795
What am I feeling?

00:28:21.934 --> 00:28:27.863
So the moment we can put a word or a title to it, it helps to calm our bodies.

00:28:27.863 --> 00:28:30.066
So they call it, name it to tame it.

00:28:30.066 --> 00:28:36.423
Once you can name, okay, I'm feeling bad and I'm also feeling a little jealous.

00:28:36.423 --> 00:28:41.423
So typically there's more than one emotion flowing through you at the same time.

00:28:41.423 --> 00:28:47.923
So getting that out on paper or getting that out in words to someone helps you get a lot of relief.

00:28:47.923 --> 00:28:53.056
And then we need to get rid of that emotion, we need to let it go.

00:28:53.056 --> 00:28:58.268
So that could be like you had shared, just bawling it out, crying, letting the tear.

00:28:58.268 --> 00:29:01.044
I used to say to my kids let those tears roll.

00:29:01.044 --> 00:29:03.813
This is you getting that emotion out.

00:29:03.813 --> 00:29:05.175
This is how we're processing it.

00:29:05.175 --> 00:29:09.740
We're feeling it, we're noticing it, we're making meaning what is the message behind it?

00:29:09.740 --> 00:29:11.022
And then we need to release it.

00:29:11.022 --> 00:29:17.569
And for some people that's crying, others that's talking it through and talking it out, going on a run, it's tequila.

00:29:19.923 --> 00:29:21.694
Well, now, that would be buffering.

00:29:21.755 --> 00:29:23.537
We're moving in the wrong direction, Sebastian.

00:29:23.537 --> 00:29:24.897
Wrong direction.

00:29:25.940 --> 00:29:30.904
We don't want to stuff it or numb it, we want to understand it and let it go.

00:29:30.904 --> 00:29:36.892
And the more we practice feeling all the rainbow of emotions that we do, the more comfortable we get.

00:29:36.892 --> 00:29:38.682
And parents will share with me.

00:29:38.682 --> 00:29:41.723
Often they're like I just want my teenager to be happy.

00:29:41.723 --> 00:29:45.986
Happiness and mental health is not about feeling happy all of the time.

00:29:45.986 --> 00:29:48.544
It's humanly impossible to do that.

00:29:48.544 --> 00:29:56.224
It's being comfortable with all the emotions as they come and knowing what to do with them and then setting them free.

00:29:57.236 --> 00:29:57.696
I love that.

00:29:57.696 --> 00:29:58.799
That's fantastic.

00:29:58.799 --> 00:29:59.762
I like to do a hybrid.

00:29:59.762 --> 00:30:01.467
I like to cry and pound tequila.

00:30:01.467 --> 00:30:02.116
How does that work?

00:30:02.878 --> 00:30:05.046
Oh goodness, Well you're, you're halfway there.

00:30:06.895 --> 00:30:28.755
No, I do, all jokes aside, I, I, um, you, that's the shit that kills you when you don't, literally, is when you these suppressed emotions that Were taught to us early on that you can't React this way or you can't Express this way, and these are all Old ways of being, obviously but and it's changed a lot with, as you know, generations, thank God, as generations have come about.

00:30:28.755 --> 00:30:34.413
But, like, I'd always Tell my daughter that, like we, we have tough conversations and we talk about shit.

00:30:34.413 --> 00:30:41.823
Speaking about teenagers, my gosh, being able to have a conversation with a teenager, it's like hello, beam me up, scotty, but I would force it like and I would, I would.

00:30:41.823 --> 00:30:46.912
You know we are, we are talking and having these conversations and and getting them all and I still experience that.

00:30:46.912 --> 00:30:55.032
I mean, I'm 45 years old, but whatever is showing up and however I'm feeling, I never forget when I went through that course I told you about that.

00:30:55.032 --> 00:30:56.538
I went through back in 2016,.

00:30:57.279 --> 00:31:06.723
There was an exercise where we would um, we would beat pillows and um, they encouraged us to like, and I'll never forget the instructor she was, she was.

00:31:06.723 --> 00:31:08.215
She reminded me of the lunch lady.

00:31:08.215 --> 00:31:09.057
Remember the lunch lady?

00:31:09.057 --> 00:31:13.622
You know the hair and that just looked meaner and just as long, but she was a phenomenal facilitator.

00:31:13.622 --> 00:31:19.765
I'll never forget her saying get this shit out before it kills you.

00:31:19.765 --> 00:31:27.576
Meaning all of it, the processing, the this, the that and that exercise of beating on a pillow and yelling and screaming and crying and being able to.

00:31:28.156 --> 00:31:39.884
Now I understand why that exercise took place, because when life shows up and it's time to cry, or it's time to go punch some pillows, or it's time to just just scream and go, what in the actual fuck is going on?

00:31:39.884 --> 00:31:41.788
That was that's.

00:31:41.788 --> 00:31:44.560
That was because at the beginning you're like why are we beating on pillows like?

00:31:44.560 --> 00:31:45.383
This is weird.

00:31:45.383 --> 00:31:46.935
This is getting a little awkward.

00:31:46.935 --> 00:31:52.458
But it really taught me to get in there and express my own emotions in my own setting.

00:31:52.458 --> 00:31:54.363
I'm almost too emotional.

00:31:54.363 --> 00:32:00.525
Now I don't even know if that's possible at all, but I'm not going to bottle it up because I don't think that that's the outlet.

00:32:00.525 --> 00:32:09.396
Just like you said, it is an energy that has to move through our body and get out so we can arrive at a healthier space of healing for ourselves.

00:32:10.882 --> 00:32:38.711
And your pillow story brings up a similar story that I dealt with when I was a school counselor on a middle school site, because sometimes our kids don't want to cry it out in tears, but they need to physically get it out and I remember I had an eighth grader came in right into my office, which was actually a big classroom, that was the counseling office and he said he looked like he was about to cry and he said Ms McLean, ms McLean, I need to hit something, I need to punch something.

00:32:38.711 --> 00:32:42.942
And I thought to myself okay, like we need to figure this out.

00:32:42.982 --> 00:32:50.303
Yeah, and there was a cute little decorative pillow on on a chair and I said, well, you can punch the pillow.

00:32:50.303 --> 00:32:53.107
So this was a big, tall kid.

00:32:53.107 --> 00:33:05.003
He ran over, grabbed the pillow, pinned it up against the wall and started punching the pillow up against the wall and the building was shaking and I thought I'm going to get fired.

00:33:05.003 --> 00:33:07.409
This wall is coming down.

00:33:07.409 --> 00:33:14.709
But it made me realize, ok, that's a perfectly acceptable, as long as we're safe way to get that energy out.

00:33:14.709 --> 00:33:22.509
He really I mean we really needed punching bags in the middle school so that some of our kids could really get the energy out that way.

00:33:22.509 --> 00:33:24.442
And it helped him tremendously.

00:33:24.442 --> 00:33:29.901
And he said he felt amazing, I sent him back to class and that was the end of that felt amazing.

00:33:29.961 --> 00:33:31.644
I sent him back to class and that was the end of that.

00:33:31.644 --> 00:33:43.078
Yeah, it's kind of like if we remind ourselves how we feel after we cry or after we, you know, had this, you know temporary meltdown of that release.

00:33:43.078 --> 00:33:48.257
You know it really is useful moving forward, because when life shows up as it does, often more times than not, you know, I call it my tool belt.

00:33:48.257 --> 00:33:49.861
You know, I got a tool, I got a toolkit.

00:33:49.861 --> 00:33:56.261
No, and I, every time I'm up against something, it's like hey, we got tools, we got tools, like, let's grab one, like we got tools here.

00:33:56.261 --> 00:33:57.464
You know, I think they're so.

00:33:57.464 --> 00:34:03.346
That's so important to remember because life is a little crazy at times, you know.

00:34:04.694 --> 00:34:06.102
Absolutely absolutely.

00:34:06.923 --> 00:34:08.945
Well, holly McLean, I think you're absolutely wonderful.

00:34:08.945 --> 00:34:09.724
I love what you're up to.

00:34:09.724 --> 00:34:10.865
I love the work that you're doing.

00:34:10.865 --> 00:34:22.257
I'm so glad that we still had the opportunity to stay in touch here and I've really enjoyed our conversations over the past few weeks and I'm confident we, you and I, are going to do some great things together as soon as the opportunity presents itself on here.

00:34:22.257 --> 00:34:23.780
So keep shining, keep doing what you're doing.

00:34:23.780 --> 00:34:24.780
You're doing work that matters.

00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:25.382
I absolutely love it.

00:34:25.382 --> 00:34:27.125
I'm a huge Holly McLean fan.

00:34:27.125 --> 00:34:28.007
I've told you that already.

00:34:28.007 --> 00:34:38.148
But, as we close things out, any final thoughts for our listeners, just based on just mental health and work like what I like to refer to it as.

00:34:39.355 --> 00:34:42.623
Yes, and this is coming from my teenagers that I work with.

00:34:42.623 --> 00:35:01.014
The most important thing to them is being heard, and I think it's so tricky as adults and parents because oftentimes they come to us with emotions or feelings or they're vocalizing something and right off the bat we just want to jump in and solve it for them, or we want to give them ideas and strategies.

00:35:01.014 --> 00:35:02.340
We've been down that road before.

00:35:02.340 --> 00:35:07.007
They really just want the opportunity at first to get all of that out.

00:35:07.007 --> 00:35:15.224
So I share with my parents when we collaborate, give them those moments at first to just get it out, so they can really feel heard and validated.

00:35:15.224 --> 00:35:18.425
Then we can start to strategize from that point forward.

00:35:18.425 --> 00:35:19.898
So just my little tip of the day.

00:35:20.380 --> 00:35:20.922
That's amazing.

00:35:20.922 --> 00:35:21.965
Great final thoughts.

00:35:21.965 --> 00:35:25.284
Well, thanks again for your time, holly, and it's been great.

00:35:25.284 --> 00:35:29.224
We'll have to do it again sometime soon, and you're a great podcast guest.

00:35:31.894 --> 00:35:32.757
Thank you so much, sebastian.

00:35:32.777 --> 00:35:33.157
This was so fun.

00:35:33.157 --> 00:35:34.019
The pleasure was all mine.

00:35:34.019 --> 00:35:39.960
Until next time, friends, thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story podcast.

00:35:39.960 --> 00:35:41.364
Be sure to appreciate it.

00:35:41.364 --> 00:35:43.862
If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show.

00:35:43.862 --> 00:35:46.655
This way, you'll get updates as new episodes become available.

00:35:46.655 --> 00:35:49.704
If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review.

00:35:49.704 --> 00:35:51.186
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00:35:51.186 --> 00:35:54.643
Signing off from the podcast LaunchLabcom Studios.

00:35:54.643 --> 00:35:56.106
We'll talk to you next time.

How To Manage and Process Your Emotions In A Healthy Way: Holly McClain - Adolescent Counselor and Certified Life Coach

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